*trigger warning!*
The past 7 days have been really up and down, but mostly down.
Last Tuesday I drank too much and I cut myself with broken glass. My left forearm looked like I'd completely fucked it up but fortunately after just a week it has begun to heal quite well. However, I was very upset that I'd done it in the first place. School the next day was horrible, I just burst into tears and showed the Deputy Head. He was very lovely about it and said some nice things, he also made sure that I got first-aided so the cuts where all dressed up.
When I left his room I saw some friends who were asking me if I was ok, and of course I lied and said I was fine. One friend, whom I have always been closer to, saw the dressing sticking at little bit out of my long-sleeved top, I'm almost sure she did. She said nothing. Only a few people know; certainly not my friends in school, nor my mother.
After school I had a therapy session which was very positive. I talked a lot about craving closure and moving forward. I made a list in colour on a big piece of paper of changes I want to make in my life in order to move forward. I need to pin it up somewhere and start following it. I will when I have a little more energy.
I also discovered my best friend's wee sister in bulimic. This was difficult for two reasons: firstly, she's struggling with depression and this is just another terribly sad thing added to the mix as her wee sister is so lovely. It was not unexpected though, I have to say. Secondly, it was a tiny bit triggering for me, I must admit. Nevertheless, I have kept going and not purged at all this week, which is super.
FINALLY, energy. I need some. Slept a lot yesterday, right through last night and still managed to spend the vast majority of today in bed. Got up this evening and tidied around and went for a run, but can't be going on like this - I HAVE A LIFE TO LIVE!!! Not to forget exams to pass and universities to get in to. I'm back in school in a week, so hopefully I can have a week of work.
Sorry for the long post, I've wanted to write about cutting myself all week, but not known how. I think I'll be blogging more often in the next few weeks as it is actually quite therapeutic.
The past 7 days have been really up and down, but mostly down.
Last Tuesday I drank too much and I cut myself with broken glass. My left forearm looked like I'd completely fucked it up but fortunately after just a week it has begun to heal quite well. However, I was very upset that I'd done it in the first place. School the next day was horrible, I just burst into tears and showed the Deputy Head. He was very lovely about it and said some nice things, he also made sure that I got first-aided so the cuts where all dressed up.
When I left his room I saw some friends who were asking me if I was ok, and of course I lied and said I was fine. One friend, whom I have always been closer to, saw the dressing sticking at little bit out of my long-sleeved top, I'm almost sure she did. She said nothing. Only a few people know; certainly not my friends in school, nor my mother.
After school I had a therapy session which was very positive. I talked a lot about craving closure and moving forward. I made a list in colour on a big piece of paper of changes I want to make in my life in order to move forward. I need to pin it up somewhere and start following it. I will when I have a little more energy.
I also discovered my best friend's wee sister in bulimic. This was difficult for two reasons: firstly, she's struggling with depression and this is just another terribly sad thing added to the mix as her wee sister is so lovely. It was not unexpected though, I have to say. Secondly, it was a tiny bit triggering for me, I must admit. Nevertheless, I have kept going and not purged at all this week, which is super.
FINALLY, energy. I need some. Slept a lot yesterday, right through last night and still managed to spend the vast majority of today in bed. Got up this evening and tidied around and went for a run, but can't be going on like this - I HAVE A LIFE TO LIVE!!! Not to forget exams to pass and universities to get in to. I'm back in school in a week, so hopefully I can have a week of work.
Sorry for the long post, I've wanted to write about cutting myself all week, but not known how. I think I'll be blogging more often in the next few weeks as it is actually quite therapeutic.
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