I have many, even just tonight. Tidy my room a wee bit, take my medication (need to do this!!!), actually do some work. As ever though I have no motivation to do so.
I wish I had it in me just to be able to sit down and do things without getting anxious about everything I need to do or thinking 'there's no point I'll fail anyway' or other illogical things. I want/need these meds to properly kick in soon; I am feeling a bit better generally, but not to the point where I can live a normal life. Starting to wonder if I ever will, if I'll ever get rid of mental illness. I'm 17 this year, I was diagnosed when I was 8. Nine years man, it's a long fucking time. I know this sounds awful, and I don't want to kill myself because I absolutely know it's not the way out, but I wonder, if I'd have known I'd still be struggling now, would I have ended it all a year or two ago? Obviously, despite all the sickness amazing things have happened to me and I'm glad I haven't, but it is a fucking bore.
This is depressing, isn't it? I'm actually having quite a good day, even though I feel a wee bit sick. Went into school, got through my lessons and I think I'm going to do well with my new History teacher as she seems to push us to work harder - mind, my old one was much more fun!
Ok. Ok. Anna is going to do the following:
I wish I had it in me just to be able to sit down and do things without getting anxious about everything I need to do or thinking 'there's no point I'll fail anyway' or other illogical things. I want/need these meds to properly kick in soon; I am feeling a bit better generally, but not to the point where I can live a normal life. Starting to wonder if I ever will, if I'll ever get rid of mental illness. I'm 17 this year, I was diagnosed when I was 8. Nine years man, it's a long fucking time. I know this sounds awful, and I don't want to kill myself because I absolutely know it's not the way out, but I wonder, if I'd have known I'd still be struggling now, would I have ended it all a year or two ago? Obviously, despite all the sickness amazing things have happened to me and I'm glad I haven't, but it is a fucking bore.
This is depressing, isn't it? I'm actually having quite a good day, even though I feel a wee bit sick. Went into school, got through my lessons and I think I'm going to do well with my new History teacher as she seems to push us to work harder - mind, my old one was much more fun!
Ok. Ok. Anna is going to do the following:
- Drink coffee.
- Put some "real" clothes on (or at least get a shower and a clean shirt).
- Have a late night revision session.
- Write a list of things to do tomorrow.
- Start planning for planning my year.
2012 needs to be good. It needs to be happy. It needs to be healthy. HAS TO BE.
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